


Almost

by VeronaSage



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Gen, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronaSage/pseuds/VeronaSage
Summary: What's a life save for a collection of moments... You've grown soft, old man. This is what happens when you let your guard down.
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Almost

The shift in the room was immediate. He could see it in their eyes. 

What did Tess say... _Oops, right?_

The blood ran cold through his veins. The cynical part of him he thought he had long put to rest starts to nag. 

_You've grown soft, old man_. _This is what happens when you let your guard down_. 

He could hardly hear himself speak. The all consuming truth cut deep into what little remained of his salvaged soul. The finality of it, laid bare before him. 

If he were a younger man, he would've left this girl for dead. 

"Ya'll act like you've heard of us or something."

It's barely a second, but he could see the intention written all over her face. He recognized that anger because he'd seen it in his own reflection countless times. _Last stop_. 

Perhaps there was more he could have done, but he wasn't at all surprised when he felt the slug tear through his knee. The searing pain rippled through his body, each relentless wave more excruciating than the one that came before.

The anguished cries of his younger brother rattled his ears and penetrated the mind-numbing fog of his own uneven groans. 

_Tommy..._

He clutched at whatever was left of his leg, willing his body to resist the discomfort. _I can't lose him again._

It didn't sit well with him, this sense of helplessness, it was unfamiliar. He'd become accustomed to control, foolish really, considering the number of times he'd slipped past annihilation by happenstance. 

_Luck had to run out, sooner or later._

"Joel Miller." 

He attempted to place her face to some faded memory from the past he could hardly recall. In retrospect, he knew he'd been living on borrowed time. 

"Who are you?" 

Her rage was palpable-- it seeped from her every pore, drowning him in inevitability. 

"Guess." 

Up close, he was unsettled by her youthfulness. The buoyancy of her skin, her freckled cheeks, all in stark contrast to the hefty burden she seemed to bear on the broad tilt of her shoulders. She couldn't have been much older than Ellie. His heart stuttered with acknowledgement. 

_How long have you been coming for me?_

He watched as she struggled to keep her unshed tears at bay, her glassy eyes brimming with unspoken emotion revealing more to him than she probably would've liked. For a fleeting moment he's compelled to relate to her. Her drive. Her lack of hesitation. It didn't matter who she was. There'd be no talking her out of it. She'd already made up her mind. 

He'd lived his life doing what he felt was necessary... and so would she. 

_Best not to dwell._

He forced the words out through gritted teeth. "Why don't you say whatever speech you've got rehearsed and get this over with." 

He'd hammer the final nail to his own coffin. Stubborn to the end. 

He knew what would come next. His body fired on all cylinders as their makeshift tourniquet staunched the blood flow pumping from the open arteries of his wrecked leg. 

She'd make it slow.

Spine rigid, he braced his body as he eyed the golf club in her tight grip. Absurdly, he thinks it's a TaylorMade 9 Iron. 

He reckoned the imminent beating was fair, well earned after those 26 years of surviving and making decisions the way he did. Karma, or whatever. 

"You stupid old man. You don't get to rush this." 

His belly dropped. Fear. _Only human._

When the first blow cracked his skull with brutal accuracy, his thoughts drifted to Ellie. 

_Ellie..._

She'd been slipping through his fingers for years. The unfathomable distance wearing away at his resolve. He'd watched from afar as he felt himself become a stranger to her.

_I swear._

He'd been naive. He'd hoped she'd put it to rest. 

He believed that he could build a future for them off the back of his lie. 

She had given him every opportunity, after all. And with each subsequent cold shirk, accusatory glare, and terse conversation, he'd come to loathe his inability to tell her the truth when she'd still been open to it. 

In the end-- she'd forced his hand and he'd paid for it.

_Still paying for it_. 

It hurt like hell, but he willed himself to believe that a world in which Ellie existed to hate him, was better than the one in which she was dead and gone. 

So he'd given her the space. _However long it takes._

He'd left the doors to their house unlocked waiting for the day she'd amble in of her own volition as she once did back when she saw something in him worth trusting. 

There was still so much left to make up for, so much left to prove. He'd meant to show her that her death wasn't necessary. He'd meant to convince her that she was the best of what was left. 

The irony wasn't lost upon him. Of course, he'd only just staggered his way towards some semblance of reconciliation with her... but the world at large was wholly indifferent towards his progress. 

_Damn._

He hadn't wanted her to see him like this, bloodied and broken... but they always did have a knack for finding one another in shitty situations, _always_. 

"Joel, get up." 

The desperation in her voice rubbed him raw. They were supposed to watch a movie, weren't they? 

There were so many things he wanted to say. 

"Joel, fucking get up." 

If only he could. 

_I'm sorry._

_I'm okay._

_T_ _his is okay._

But he wanted to make it easy for her. 

_I hope you know it's not your fault. I hope you know that you're the best thing that could've happened to me. The beginning, the end, all of it... meant everything._

But he wanted to make it easy for her. 

"Please, stop!" 

He felt breathless, crushed by the weight of what he knew would be waiting for Ellie once he was gone. After everything she'd survived. After everything he'd put her through. He never intended this. He didn't want to be another chip on her shoulder.

There was a prayer clinging to the periphery of what was left of his sanity. It lingered upon his lips. 

_Please._

_If there is a God..._

_Please._

_Please._

_Don't let this break you._

_Don't let **me** break you._

_"_ Please, don't do this." 

He needed to make it easy for her. 

So he gathered the last bit of strength he had and mustered what he could, a look. He hoped that it would convey what he wished he had said more often. 

_I got you, baby girl._

And as her eyes met his own, he was overcome with a profound sense of gratitude. He meant what he had said. He would do it all over again. 

"Joel, please get up!" 

He was thankful to have known her. 

Thankful to have loved her. 

Thankful to have seen her face, one last time. 

He gazed at her, unblinking, for as long as the world would allow. 

_I got you, baby girl._

He assumes that Ellie will never know, but he figures she'd be proud. Despite circumstances, he could rest easy that at least he died saving a life. She taught him that. 

**Author's Note:**

> The game still haunts me and this is therapy. There are many more moments I hope to extrapolate and explore. Comments & kudos = fuel!


End file.
